What the?
by SHOW ME THE LURV
Summary: A parody of massive OOC-ness. I like to think it's funny, but hell, that's your decision. Sladin, if you really care.


A/N: Right, so, this is just a silly little thing I came up with...please don't be offended, but it's supposed to parody serious OOC-ness. There's changing the characters to be cute, and then there's...well, this:

**

* * *

What the FUCK?**

"_Hello, Robin."_

"_Hello, Slade."_

_Awkward silence ensues._

"_Listen, about last night…"_

"_Think nothing of it. I recognize that your hormones drove you to do things you normally wouldn't-"_

"_No, no, I wasn't going to say anything like that. Actually, it's the opposite."_

"_Oh? Care to expound."_

"…_No? I was sort of hoping you'd catch on by now."_

"_I have, but I'd rather hear you say it."_

"_Do I really have to?"_

"_But of course. I want you to completely submit to me."_

_A groan of annoyance, but not reluctance, sounds._

"_Please, Slade, I need you, and not just as a one-night stand. I need your body, your love, your hands all over me. I need…"_

_A short pause, and then:_

"_Come now, my little bird."_

_In a silent whisper, "I need you inside me."_

_The rustle of clothes, a moan, and a tiny grunt follow._

"DUDE, TURN THAT OFF! It's nasty!" Beast Boy shouted.

Cyborg paused the tape and turned to a fiercely blushing Robin.

"Well?" The robotic teen pushed.

"I…uh…" Robin stammered. Funny, he seemed the least likely to crack under pressure.

"Oh Robin, is this not wonderful? You have found your true love!" Starfire hugged him tightly, practically squeezing the life out of the poor hero.

"But it's his arch nemesis, Star! What kind of a lover is that?" Cyborg yelled.

"Mayhaps he will cause the turning over of Slade's leaf," She returned with an air of wisdom, slightly loosening her hold on Robin while he struggled to free himself.

"…eh?" Beast Boy gave Robin a questioning glance.

"She means he'll turn Slade good," answered Raven. "And I think Starfire's right, to a certain extent. Maybe he won't get him to turn good, but if Robin can infiltrate the enemy's heart, then we can get infiltrate the underbelly of Jump."

Cyborg paused in his fuming to consider this. A spy on the inside would be nice, especially one as informed as Slade. Hmmm...

Robin, having finally escaped Starfire's arms, couldn't help but protest, "You want me to play with Slade's heart? Don't you guys know how bad those stories turn out? The main character _always_ falls for the hunky person they're playing with, and then inevitably screw up the relationship because it was based on lies. And I already feel attracted to him, so that's practically setting me up for disaster in the first-"

"Did you just call Slade hunky?"

"I don't want to hear 'bout no attraction!"

"That sounds most romantic!"

"What kind of stories do you read?"

The various Teen Titans exclaimed (respectively). Robin could only blush some more and try his hardest to stand his ground. He had his heart to protect, after all, and he would do anything to keep it free of romantic entanglements (though, as the video showed, he was far from free as far as Slade was concerned).

It was during the awkward silence (Robin seemed to be involved in a lot of those lately) that Slade came crashing through the door screaming, "Robbie, I'm home!"

"Robbie" could only groan.

Beasty Boy snickered and called out, "Robin called you a hunk!"

Robin blushed. Again. Damn it!

Slade's eye simply darkened with lust. "Oh he did now, did he?" The man licked his lips behind his mask. He loved it when Robin appreciated him in all his glory.

"No, no I didn't! There's nothing going on here! Let's just go to my room," Robin desperately cried out.

"Please, why would you save the deliciousness for your room? Would you not like to put on a show for us?" Starfire inquired innocently.

Everyone else in the room paled. Well, except for Slade, who apparently had a voyeuristic kink.

"Yes Robin, why don't we just stay out here for everyone to see?" He asked slyly, the wolfish smirk practically permeating his sultry voice.

Robin decided to just hide his face in his hands, lest his red face be subjected to more snickering. That is, until he felt Slade sidle next to him and pull him into his big, warm chest.

"Oh, did big bad Slade hurt your feelings? Well, he's very sorry and is willing to do _anything_ to make it up to his little bird," he spoke in the third person. Robin could see the desire in the taller man's eye when he tilted his head up to speak directly to his beloved. (Seriously? Since when was it beloved?)

"Fuck you."

The profanity made the rest of the gathering gasp, but Slade merely smirked (though no one could see it, so it was sort of pointless). "That's my firebird," he stated proudly.

Cyborg shuffled awkwardly while the would-be nemeses made goo-goo eyes at each other. "So, what now then?" he wondered aloud.

Slade turned to him and stated calmly, "Well, now I take your leader to his room and fuck him so hard, they'll be hearing him scream all the way in the suburbs of Gotham. Good day." He then threw Robin over his shoulder (a la caveman extraordinaire), and stalked out of the room like a lion with a deer in his mouth.

The remaining four teens stared at each other until they heard moans and the tell-tale bumps of a bed hitting a wall over and over again. Only then did they sprint in various directions: Starfire to listen at Robin's door, Raven to "casually" read her book while she listened (a bit more discretely than Starfire), Cyborg to check out how Titans East were getting on (totally unrelated to what was going on at his own headquarters), and Beast Boy to take a vacation to Gotham.

And you know? He really could hear Robin all the way out there.

* * *

"Robin?"

"Uh, oh, yessssss?"

"Where exactly did your friends get that video from?"


End file.
